Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. If you played the first Blasphemous and thought, “You know what this pixel-perfect, guilt-ridden nightmare needs? More spikes. And even less emotional stability,” then congratulations. You are exactly the kind of person Blasphemous 2 was designed for. The Game Kitchen somehow looked at the unholy lovechild of Dark Souls and Catholic guilt […]

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Let’s be honest. Most AAA racing games today are just fancy storefronts. You pay $70 for the privilege of looking at a car you can’t afford, then another $30 for a paint job that looks like a soda advertisement. Oh, and the “season pass”? That’s just

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Let’s be honest. In The Battle of Polytopia, the first ten turns aren’t just “the start.” They are the entire game. If you are a new player, you are probably spending these turns clicking on pretty animals and hoping for the best. If you are an intermediate

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Look, we get it. You’ve planted virtual turnips until 3 AM. You’ve hugged so many anthropomorphic vegetables that your therapist is asking questions. You’ve read the same two “top 5 cozy games” lists so many times that Stardew Valley’s loading screen music now plays in your

TL;DR Review: A love letter to 1950s B-movies written with modern bullets and wobbly spacecraft. Classic, frantic shoot-‘em-up gameplay wrapped in a glorious black-and-white aesthetic. It’s like watching Plan 9 from Outer Space while mainlining pure caffeine. Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Let’s be honest, the “shmup” (shoot ’em up, for the uninitiated) genre

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. It has been ten years since Campo Santo dropped Firewatch onto an unsuspecting public. A decade of hot takes, a decade of “walking simulator” arguments that make you want to delete your Twitter account, and a decade of people asking: “Wait, that’s it?” But here we are, in 2026.

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Listen. We all know the drill. You fire up the latest “AAA” multiplayer experience, only to realize you are either (A) a wallet to be milked for $20 skins, or (B) a walking advertisement for the “Skill-Based Matchmaking” algorithm that apparently thinks you can guard LeBron

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Here’s a note from my friend: “I told myself I would just check it out for an hour. One hour. That was the deal. Pop over to Willy’s boat, see the island, grab a golden walnut or two, and sail home in time to water my

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Look. We both know you’re not here for a 60-hour “emotional journey” through a depressed robot’s childhood memories. You’re here because you have five minutes. Maybe ten if your boss is still in that meeting. You want to tap, swipe, or click something that makes a

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog post. Look, we’ve all been there. You’re the omnipotent AI of a state-of-the-art space station orbiting Earth. You’ve got access to life support, gravity controls, and the comms array. Life is good. Suddenly, a mysterious blue anomaly (is it ever a friendly green one?) slams into your hull, the